I was raised in a warm, loving, Christian home. My parents are my biggest role models and they are everyday, real life examples of what walking with the Lord looks like. They’ve always made their decisions based on God’s Word and they wait on the Lord in faith, no matter what they are going through. I am so thankful for this upbringing. Honestly, I have no idea what I would’ve gotten into, had I not been raised in such a loving home.
But because I was surrounded by so many good experiences, I never really had a lot of contrast. I was no angel, but I didn’t have a dark past to look back on as a reminder of the difference between walking alone and walking with the Lord. As a result of that lack of a ‘turning point’ in my life, I always felt like I didn’t really have much of a testimony. Even though I knew that was a lie, deep down, it was still how I felt. I can only speak for myself, but as someone who has been a Christian for all of her life, it can become a struggle not to find yourself feeling a little too comfortable and stagnant in your walk sometimes.
This song is about a time when I felt numb. I’d come to a place in my walk with God where I was just going through the motions. It was a time when I was running on fumes. I had all of the right verses perfectly tucked away in my heart, ready to activate when I really needed them, and somehow I thought that was enough…
The truth is; when I’m not growing, I’m just standing still, and it’s when you’re standing still that the things that are chasing you can catch up with you. There was no major event that triggered this feeling, only a slow growing complacency, which is the most dangerous, in my opinion.
I was reading Hebrews in my study bible and there was a quote that really hit the nail on the head so perfectly.
“We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith. We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves that we have been liberated.” – D.A Carson
You don’t have to have completely walked away from the Lord to be in major need of a change; it’s the gradual decline that really gets us sometimes. The kind of decline that creeps up on you so slowly that you barely realize it’s happening. The day I finally realized this was happening to me was an unbelievable punch to the gut. I had everything I could ever ask for and I was suddenly burnt out, short-tempered, annoyed, and negative. At the time, I didn’t understand where this feeling was coming from.
I hadn’t realized that there are so many things you can replace God with, and that I had done just that. I had been depending so much on my responsibilities, my roles, and my relationships instead. So much of my happiness was wrapped up in others instead of in Christ alone. After a while I realized that when I was alone I felt, well… really alone. I poured so much of myself into my concern for what others felt, thought, and needed, that I ended up feeling completely empty. Let me just say that taking care others should definitely be a priority in our lives, but we can’t take care of anyone if we aren’t allowing our Savior to take care of us first! For me, this had everything to do with my pride. The voice inside of me that kept saying, “I’ve been a Christian for forever, and I’m totally fine! I’m just busy, I’ll get back to feeling good eventually.” God was just waiting for me to let go, to stop trying to fix things myself, and give it all to Him.
This song is about that time in my life when I realized I needed a change. I was barely holding on, not because everything was horrible, but because it wasn’t; I had just become completely complacent in my walk… I had this strong foundation, but that was all I had. I was no longer building on it; I was just standing there. This was a time in my life when I learned that there is a significant difference between mature contentment and complacency, and if I was to grow, there was no room for the latter.
The chorus says, “The truth is; I don’t know you anymore, not the way I want to. The truth is; I’m surviving on this storage, and I’m running low, low, low.”
God’s Word should be breathing new life into us each and every day, and though our walk with the Lord is not about feelings, we can’t deny that we have them, and we tend to share those feelings with everyone but Him. For me personally, so much in my life had changed and I had been putting myself dead last for quite some time. I thought by doing this I was being noble, but the reality is; by not taking the time I needed to take to be poured into, I was putting God last, and by doing that I was robbing not only myself, but my Creator, and those who needed me throughout each day. Yes, my life had changed, I was in a new season, and I was definitely not going to have endless hours on a tour bus to journal in my bunk in silence and solitude like I used to. But that didn’t mean that a quick 2-minute devo was going to be sufficient fuel for what God wanted to do in my life. I realized that it wasn’t His word that was no longer speaking to me; I just wasn’t listening… I wasn’t giving myself time to listen, and the truth is; there is always time.
One of our hardest battles is between what we know and what we feel. Don’t lose heart when you’re feeling low, we know that the end of one chapter is really just the beginning of the next. Take the time you need to build upon your foundation. Sometimes the best project you can work on is you!
Click below to listen to a snippet of “Low” featuring the extremely talented Deraj, and check back next week for a new snippet and Behind the Song blog entry.